Q: I feel that I’m learning for myself, which makes me feel ashamed. There are struggles within me, and I have reached a dead end dealing with them. I feel miserable because I don’t know how to change my aim, how to invert it, so that none of the things I do will be for me. What do I do?
A: All those feeling are good at the beginning of the study. They show that you’re progressing toward spirituality, toward the barrier, toward the sensations of the Upper World. Each degree, each spiritual situation you experience, must die, or disappear.
In other words, you have to discard the previous degree as unworthy of your new state. As long as the crop does not rot, as long as what remains of it is more than just the knowledge of it, the new stalk will not begin to grow. The same applies to souls: death is the beginning of a new life.
Therefore, the current situation ends when it becomes intolerable. The desire to move on to the next phase is formed out of the intolerable present state, out of shame in the present state. Disagreement with the situation brings with it a new situation. Therefore, the solution lies in focusing solely on the quantity and the quality of the study. You should read a lot (quantity) with the thought that each and every word should bring you new powers and change you from within (quality).