Q: What can be done when I still don’t have a permanent contact with the Creator? Can you feel the Creator before there is a screen?
A: It is impossible to anticipate the next step. On the contrary, creation is purposely made in such a way that we cannot foresee the next step, otherwise we’d be like a thief who runs before the crowd yelling, “Catch the thief, catch the thief!”
You needn’t be sorry for the things that are still not corrected in you, things that prevent you from moving forward to bonding with the Creator. In fact, it is precisely that regret that pushes you to continue working on your nature and wish to be redeemed from it, from the intent “for yourself.” That separation between your heart and your mind, between the desire to enjoy and the intent “for yourself” will indeed happen.
It is written (Psalms 126, 1): “When the Lord brought back those that returned to Zion, we were like unto them that dream.” This is a transition stage similar to when a child is born; it comes over us from Above without our being aware of it. But past the barrier the work is entirely different.
Only intensive reading of genuine Kabbalistic texts hastens the way. I recommend that you read the Introduction to The Study of the Ten Sefirot (Breaking the Iron Wall, item 155).