Q: How do you reconcile the contradiction between “everything depends on me” and “everything is predetermined by the Creator”?
A: All these ”exercises” of how and what to think before an act and after, are needed for the preliminary feeling of the Creator, in order to get a grip on His Presence. Because we cannot yet feel the union of our self with the Creator, we should force ourselves into that feeling, and only then will we be able to feel the unity with the Creator.
Before and during any act, we should completely overlook the Presence of the Creator, and pretend He is nowhere near us. What stops us from acting that way rationally? Why do we suddenly begin to believe that the Creator will help and try to be righteous?
The answer is that the evil forces, the shells, (our corrupted desires) did not unite with the Creator and deliberately prevent us to do so. This enables us to make an effort and correct these thoughts and desires.
Of course you might say that all these disruptions come from the Creator. He first sends us thoughts that He exists, which is in fact an obstacle, and finally He sends thoughts that He does not exist, which is in fact another obstacle. All these obstacles are there to urge us to try to correct our thoughts, because ultimately, our thoughts and the Creator’s unite.
Not only do we follow the thought of the Creator, but we unite with it, meaning our thoughts and the Creator’s don’t take the form of cause and effect, but are simply the same.