Q: I try to do things that the Creator needs, but then I begin to feel self-loathing and disgust. Everything I ask seems false, but still I go on as though something is pushing me from behind. Is there another alternative for me?
A: There is only one choice: to go on reading Kabbalah books and listening to our music. Also, exercise for an hour or so, as much as you can, with the aim that it will help you come out of your situation.
What the mind cannot do, time will. These situations are experienced by anyone on the path, and there will be many more such reactions. It is called “the recognition of evil,” the recognition of the worthlessness of our nature.
Afterwards, embarrassment will be replaced with genuine shame, which we mentioned as the reason for the first restriction. Generally, I can advise you to put your thoughts on paper; this – accelerates these situations, speeds your awareness, and therefore changes them. In short, – it will help you pick up the pace.